Shower Thoughts: Where I Come From
I saw a guy running in traffic to sell what my mum called, curry leaves. Leaves. Not snacks of any kind. Not the counterfeit wristwatches or overly simple and hand-sewn garments. Leaves. I wondered what kind of plight or situation he was in. Did he have a family to feed at home? Did he drop out of school to take care of his siblings? Is he even a graduate who could only resort to whatever could feed him?
It brought me to tears for a moment. All the memories I had been trying to suppress came back. The Lekki genocide. The kidnappings, sex crimes, economic insecurities, the killings here and there. The pandemic crisis. The uncertainty of Nigeria’s future.
Most of all, the insensitivity of the government and their misplaced priorities. It makes me wonder why they seem to be so obsessed with forcing us to get on our knees and stay that way. Why are they hell-bent on feeding on our fears, and making sure we never have to feel entitled to our privileges?
Everything defies logic. It defies humanity, to think that years ago, one wouldn’t have imagined us getting to this point. It’s even crazier to see and imagine that people are facing worse. You’ll listen to the news; listen to people talk about what they’ve been through and your heart would sink. Too many battles for them to face. I mean, it’s bad enough that most of us are not even close to being done with dealing with our shit. We have to deal with this country too. It’s all tiring, I tell you.
I remember telling a man about how there’s no future here. He vehemently disagreed. I smiled and kept quiet. It’s easier to see things differently when you’re not standing from my edge. There’s a limit to toxic positivity too. There’s a tipping point where the line of dogmatism should be drawn. Besides, forcing or persuading people to see things from a different perspective is the least of my problems right now. It’s the least of almost everyone’s problems at the moment.
I don’t really listen to the news anymore, because I already know nothing good hardly comes out of it these days. If it’s not about Corona, it’s about everyone and anyone bringing theories and statistics that don’t hold water. Even the ones that do can’t beat the truth. Talk is cheap, and it keeps getting cheaper. Nobody knows who’s making up propositions for the sake of doing good or for personal interests. Are they speaking up because they want to be heard or they want the people to be heard?
As a child, you had people you could go to. Parents and Guardians who could put anyone who tried to mess with you in their place. They embodied stability and kept you grounded. My roots make me question my sanity instead. She calls what is clearly white, black. She’s the pain that keeps giving.Through it all, it’s hard to keep the faith. Some days, patience keeps loosing me, because I can’t fathom how God lets these things happen to us. On days like that, I loose focus. Today, I’m writing this, on the verge of loosing faith. I am a strong believer of His word, but I’m human too. I can’t help but wonder. How do people find solace? How do we heal? How do we refrain from the curses, the frustration, the regrets?
