(PHASES) Phase 3: My Favorite What-If

I’m more clueless than I’ve ever been.

Ever since I got caught unaware,

I have been breaking my rules conveniently,

With you, everything is an exception;

The other night when you confessed,

I had never felt so uncertain

I keep having second thoughts,

about all those girls around you.

You say you want to be with me,

but do you want me as I do to you?

Are you consumed by the mere thought of me?

Do you barely concentrate with the sight of me in a room?

Or does the thrill of feeling this way hold you down more?

Questions without answers wander in my mind;

I want to tread carefully,

while being reckless too.

Doubts cloud my judgment,

Still, I feel complete.

You are the reason

my mind and heart keep finding common grounds

Amidst this conflict,

everything makes sense

when it comes to you.

Every text and every thought,

every picture and every action,

You take my breath away.

Finding perfections in your little habits;

The wrinkles around your eyes,

when your mouth widens into a grin,

How you linger when you stare at me,

The simple ways you laid your mark on me;

patting my hair,

kissing my forehead in public — even when I wanted the ground to swallow me after,

locking lips with mine in psychedelic trances,

I like listening to your dad jokes,

and the dirty ones too.

I have heard stories about your mind,

I’ve had a taste of it,

I have a feeling that your mind would be my favourite place to hang,

after your body.

There are times I hear your voice,

and I imagine you sounding the same the next morning in bed;

only until I get plagued with my thoughts.

When we hold hands,

I can’t help but wonder;

Are you good at not holding back

or have just mastered the art of suppressing your doubts?

I have taken my time to study you so well,

yet I still don’t know enough;

My curiosity makes me want to experience

the risk of getting hurt.

In my cynical, guarded way,

I want to risk it all with you.