For You

I've never had a liking for someone I've only met online, because I don't believe it works for me. This is a first, and I like it.

I’m aware that there are gorgeous men. What I didn’t realise was that some gorgeous men could make smiling with their full teeth look so good. And, it’s ridiculous because I’ve seen people smile with their teeth, and be like, their smile suits them well. However, this? This is a discovery. Then, it gets better.

I like looking forward to your updates. I like seeing them pop up on my screen. I like that you’re vocal about your faith. I like how smart you sound, without making it subtle or making it your whole personality. I like how self-aware you are. Side note, I have a feeling that you’ll like banter.

I like how warm you sound in your pieces. I like how your choice of words gives the impression that you’re gentle and intentional about the things in your life. I like how it shows in the way you interact with people, your people.

I like how I feel out of my mind when I think of you. I like that I feel this way about you enough to want to pursue it, to want a chance with you. I'm happy that it's you.

I've been on my own for the longest time, and I enjoy every second of it. From the loneliness to the joys of having my own company, I embrace it all, like I'll lose them the next minute. I love my freedom, but for you, I'll give up half of it.

For you, I’ll stretch my bandwidth if I could. I would have so much to pour out and give without spiraling. There would be no anxiety getting in the way of me sliding into your dm. I would easily send that screenshot and ask if your offer to go to the movies was still open. If you agreed, I would overthink what to wear and what you would wear, what to say and how to act.

And, when I see you, I would effortlessly compliment you. I won’t have to have to worry about how it would come off, or if I sound like I’m patronizing you. I would tell you how much better you look in person than in that picture. If the heavens are on my side, I might naturally slip in how beautiful your eyes are, and add that your skin glows perfectly. I would warn myself not to lose it when you smile back and still give in anyway.

I’m not Steve Lacy. I get hesitant when it comes to sharing my heart. But, if it was possible, I’ll serve a buffet of emotions for you, without holding back.

For you, I’ll go into a rabbit hole to learn grounding techniques. I would stay as close as I can to you. I might not meet the conventional standards of a baddie, but I would keep you on your ten toes.

I know you have a lot of people who love you in volumes as you love them, and in the way you want to be loved. If it was okay, and if the situation was different, I wouldn’t mind being one of them too.

We would do whatever you want. Spending time having different conversations. Going to different places. Staying present during depressive episodes. Reading books. Helping with each other’s decisions. We could go on adventures to indulge our inner child and quests to hack this adulthood thingy simultaneously.

Usually, my feelings might simmer down after a few weeks have passed. But, something tells me this might be different. In some months' time, I might let go and stop lurking around your timeline.

Things might change, and promising times may come. I might be in a better place and meet someone new. Perhaps, something might come out of it. One day, we might be out, doing routines together. Then, I’ll see your post about something and it’ll all come back to me. The thoughts of what could have been, if I had made a move. I’ll read this and remember how ready I was to give the world to someone who deserved it, and more.