ESCAPE
The world is still in frenzy, but I’m high on Trevor Daniel’s. My resilience has been put on hold, and the only thing I have empathy for is music. Usually, Trevor’s songs make me want to dance like a showgirl and a gangster at the same time. Tonight, it’s different. This song is different. The tide has taken turns, so I have my vulnerability all buried in a place. A safe place where it can’t trip, slip and fall. I’m choosing to sink into my imagination while synching with Past Life featuring Selena. I’ve probably played it more than I can remember. Lord knows I needed this song. It’s the perfect post-heartbreak song. It does not exactly portray where I am, but it helps me dream about it. It won’t get me the closure I need either, but it’s fun to try. I can’t be the only one who’s being in such shoes before. That distraction we embrace just to run away from the itch— the problems we don’t want to deal with. Escape in its finery.
By default, I’m running on a large field, with the sunset on my skin. There are times, I’m with someone. But, I’m alone frequently. At both times, everything falls into place. My ecstasy knows no constraint. I know because I’m always dancing and swirling all at once. I’m like Riya in "Half Girlfriend" on the rooftop. I’m carrying a bigger smile than hers, and my laughter follows. I let my hands run through the sunbathed grass and turn back once in a while. It’s beautiful. Then, I remember it’s just surreal. Part of me knows it would stay that way no matter how bad I want things to change without doing anything.
Listening to this song, I find it funny that matters of our heart are dealt with in every wrong way ninety per cent of the time. We handle them implicitly until we gather the courage to face them squarely— which is almost never. So, we rely on fantasies that come as rebounds and make-believes to keep our realities at bay. You know, I came up with this theory that our escapes may be made of things we desire, what we want to have control over. It’s like the complete contrast of what our life looks like.
What’s your escape? Is it a constant replay of how things could have gone well? Is it something you wish to change or hide about yourself so badly? Is it that something you need to take your fear and pains away? Or is it something else? Whichever one it appears to be, it feels good right? It feels good to have that comfort, even if it may not actually be so good to have too much of it. Yet, it feels good. Talk about the "seamlessly-flawed" escape.
For me, I love my seasoned themes of daydream. It’s spontaneous and blissful as it should be. It makes me feel good about myself because I can have control over this one thing. I love it more because I’m far away from the misconceptions, routines, pressure, confusion — from life.
Tonight, this song is my escape. I said it before that it's the kind you flaunt when you're starting to get over someone. Nothing is being suppressed, because you're coming to terms with the fact that what's done is done. You're no longer blinded by the mistakes you chose to overlook and the flaws you ignored from both sides. You're aware that you won't be the same after, but you won't let that get the best of your happiness. You finally have a grip on the itch you've been avoiding.
When I think of this song, I want it to be more than a coping mechanism. I want it to boost my courage. I want to heal without having to debate with myself when I think of him. I want to look back at my past life while thinking less about what the effect of the slow, swaying version of Adekunle Gold’s Jore would do to me. I don’t want to stumble on Ludovico Einaudi’s Experience and be reminded of anything trivial. I don’t want to ever be figured out anymore with just one thought, one look or one word. Let it all be a memory that stays so insignificant, I fail to notice. Well, there goes my vulnerability coming all out.
This song might one of the many getaways for me, but would it be wrong to call it something better? Rather than putting the things that we hope for on the list of the "seamlessly-flawed", it could be embedded somewhere better. How about we compromise with the world of illusion and regard those escapes as things that could bring us closer to the great things we dream about? It would be nothing compared to those distractions we run to. It’ll be in tune with our realities, and give us the courage to shape them into actual existence. It’ll be our truth. What do you think?
